I have heard at least thousand times those words: “You should forgive yourself and move on”.
I have never really gotten the context of this sentence until I really made a huge mistake on my own.
In the beginning, I thought I was spending sad and depressed days because of the consequence of those stupid - full of innocent decisions.
I was lying on the bed, waking up and pretending to fall into sleep again.
I buried my body and my soul in the dark darkness of the past I wanted it to disappear.
After a while, I was finally able to stand up and slowly start to fix what left behind the mess I created as time goes by.
Things began to get better.
I thought I could enjoy a good life then.
But the answer was still NO.
I constantly came back to those days when I was putting my mind, my energy, and my trust in the wrong places.
I started to cry days and nights, again and again, and over again.
Until a random sunny day, I suddenly realized that no matter how much progress I have been able to make, I still couldn't forget those foolish times.
Somehow I got the blame, all on me, all the time as if everything that happened was just all my faults.
Time flew as it had to be.
Another part of my life has gone while I was busy blaming myself for what already happened.
For somehow, I have been slightly getting older with some wrinkles at the corners of my eyes, meeting new people, and listening to more life stories.
In one way or another, I came to know that everyone makes mistakes, meaning EVERY SINGLE HUMAN BEING MAKES MISTAKES, under different forms and left with different scars.
So do I.
NOBODY IS PERFECT.
So am I.
I made a big smile on my foolish past. I forgave myself.
Life continues its journey.